I wrote this on Monday and debated on whether I should post it. Then something reminded me of why I started this blog…
On Friday, I was discussing with a coworker about an upcoming work trip I had to take with my boss. I was explaining how there was really no reason for me to go. But my biggest concern was that I may have to share a room with her.
I work for a company where a good 35 percent (or more) of its employees are related or good family friends. The line of boundaries are definitely blurry on a daily basis. So I was concerned that my boss would think that my boundaries would allow her to think I would be okay sharing a room with her.
I am not.
While I may complain about my boss often, I realize it is more me and my need to complain rather than her…or so I thought.
As I was discussing with my coworker (white, male) that I didn’t want to share a room with someone who was going to ask me about why I did certain things to my hair at night or why I wore a bonnet to bed, he shared a problematic story with me.
There used to be a black male who worked in my department (long before me) and apparently he messed up something. She tells my coworker that his mess-up was “very niggerly of him.”
He claims he told her that she couldn’t say that and she proceeded to say it again.
I can’t even describe my feelings at the time though many thoughts ran through my head:
- He was a little too comfortable repeating the word she used.
- I was surprised, and I wasn’t
- Maybe I need to reevaluate my employment here.
Here is where my lack of surprise comes in, she has said other derogatory things about people. Both times she said them to me.
Now before you look down on me from your high horse, I will admit I didn’t correct her. There are some people who you already know are a lost cause, and investing energy to correct them almost feels like a disservice to yourself. But I will understand if you disagree.
My husband was supportive of the idea of me leaving, but the reality is that I need this job. There are annoyances for sure, but I can’t ignore the fact that despite her MASSIVELY problematic flaws, my boss actually treats me well.
She doesn’t harass me when I am late. On more than one occasion, I couldn’t come to work for various reasons and she told me to just take care of myself and what I needed to do. Hell, she actually values my opinion at work and that is saying something given my past experiences.
But even as I type this, I can’t help but think about why I am sharing this. We live in such a woke time that I could see people judging me for not quitting or exposing her to Black Twitter.
The reality is, I know I am not the only black woman who has had to put up with shit to get to their final goal. My goal is to get me and my family to a better place financially and I need this job to do that. There are also connections that come with this job that I can’t deny either.
So at the end of the day, I have to admit that my vision of a life after this job outweighs the outrage I feel from a water cooler conversation.
However, we will see what the future holds…
The Office Black Girl 