Personal Stories – The Office Black Girl

365 Days of Posts, Office Stories, The Ebony Alpha, Uncategorized, Updates

Grateful Chaos

October 2, 2023by The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

The last two weeks have not gone quite how I expected. Despite feeling like a Mack truck has run me over every morning, I am actually in a really good head space.

I just wanted to give a quick update as I finally start to recover from the craziness that has been the last two weeks…

My small business was given an opportunity for a new venture. Unfortunately, the timeline was right in the midst of a big work event, and I underestimated how long it would take. BUT…..I pushed through and got it done, and I think the client was really happy. Plus, it has given me a new fire for my business, which was slowly dying to glowing embers.
I got a raise at work and my own office. My boss is at retirement age, but she is pretty much the owner of the company’s right-hand (wo)man. I feel like she is doing all she can to make sure I don’t quit. I don’t necessarily want her job (at least not all of it; she wears too many hats), but if my business doesn’t blow up…I wouldn’t be surprised if I was named her successor.
My job has a yearly event that is almost two weeks long. I really wanted to update The Ebony Alpha, but between the crazy work schedule and my business project, I couldn’t muster enough brain cells to push through and put out anything good. But I am determined to get a few updates this week.
Lastly, I finally launched The Office Black Girl Coloring Book last month. The paperback is available on Amazon and the digital download is available on Etsy. As of today, I have sold 27 paperbacks and 20 digital downloads. That may seem small to some, but I know how hard it is to get noticed online for anything, so I am soooooo grateful for the orders. If you happen to purchase one, I would greatly appreciate it if you could leave a review (especially a picture one on Amazon ;-)). Gotta compete with the algorithm.

The chaos is calming down at work, but my creative juices are returning. So I am excited to get back into writing and maybe creating another coloring book.

Thank you for all of the new followers and the engagement I have received for The Office Black Girl on various platforms. It honestly means so much.

Here’s to October being an amazing month!

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Keeping Your Enemies Close and Sometimes in Your Corner

September 6, 2023by The Office Black Girl1 Comment

When people show you who they are, believe them. When people who matter to you confirm who those people are….believe them.

I have a “friend” that I have known since high school. Our friendship fell a bit off track when she graduated, and I moved away from home after college. But when I returned home, we quickly fell back into a friendship, especially since we had kids that were close in age.

For years, my husband has told me that my friend hated me, but I always thought that was laughable because she never did anything to show me she hated me. Well, except for repeatedly sharing an unflattering story about me from college that I think she may have been too drunk to remember correctly because it never sounds accurate. Oh, and frequently reminds me that one of her best friends happens to be a girl who became an enemy over a boy (that is a whole other story).

Now, I know what you are thinking…I sound dumb af. Which as I reread those words, I would agree. But while those two things are problematic, she has been a friend to me over the years. Even taking my son off my hands for a night when my husband was away, and it felt like the world was crashing on me. I didn’t even ask; she just did it because I was breaking down.

But maybe that is the thing: people have no problem supporting you when you are drowning. But when you are thriving, you are too caught up in doing well that you overlook them quietly exiting your corner.

I want to see people win. Strangers, friends, and every black woman who crosses my path (as long as she has crossed me). There have been plenty of days where I was definitely losing, and while I may have felt a slight pain that I wasn’t where I wanted to be when I saw someone else winning…I never thought I hoped they failed.

It is thoroughly bizarre to me the effort people put into hoping others fail. While I don’t know if my “friend” wants me to fail, it was an eye-opener when I saw her share a random white woman’s post hyping up a local black-owned business. A business that is in the same niche as mine.

But my “friend” doesn’t share my business content. She has never purchased from me, and I can’t remember her liking or engaging with my business content. Not that she owes me her support, but I find it funny that she will share a complete stranger’s content before double-tapping on my business post. While there have been other red flags that I have overlooked, for some reason, that was the breaking point that made me realize maybe our friendship isn’t what I thought it was.

I have been unintentionally keeping my enemy closer than my friends.

Lesson learned. I’m just glad this wasn’t a hard one.

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Do It Anyway Because…Why Not?

June 12, 2023by The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

Years ago, I worked at a company that was toxic. What a surprise, right?

While there were many problems with the company and leadership, I couldn’t deny that the company put many women in leadership roles. Should those women have been in management? Fuck no. But it was something (I guess).

Despite the poor examples of women in leadership roles, there was a meeting they held on Women’s International Day or during Women’s History Month (I don’t remember), and one of the women VPs made a comment that will forever stay with me.

She talked about applying for jobs and the difference between men and women. When women apply for a job, they ask the question of “why,” while men often say, “Why not?”

As women, we often look at job postings and compare them to our own experiences and overthink the process. But a man who may have little to no qualifications that match will proceed with an application and say, “Why not me?”

While this is an overgeneralization, it has stuck with me. I have often limited myself because it is hard to wrap my mind around the idea of “Why not” as opposed to thinking of every reason why I shouldn’t or what could go wrong.

The Office Black girl is a prime example of my overthinking. My dashboard sits with dozens of started blog posts that sit in drafts because I am wary of posting them. The same goes with stories I have started and sit hidden on my laptop. Because I dwell too much on the idea that I will create stories that will offend, bore, or go completely unnoticed. What if I share something that reads like an incompetent person wrote it? So I ask myself….why? Why share my stories? Why embarrass myself?

It’s funny what a couple sessions of therapy and a song can do for your mindset.

Recently, I stumbled across this song by Erica Mason called “Do It Anyway,” and it has been on repeat during my morning commute to work. It’s definitely a motivator to really push myself in the areas I am passionate about despite my hesitations. Maybe I’ll even post/share those drafts that have been clogging up my dashboard and laptop.

While I still ask, “Why,” my brain is slowly starting to lean more frequently toward “Why not” and proceed to do it anyway. Hopefully, this is a wave I can ride for a while. Or better yet….why not forever?

What is motivating you these days?

Mental Health Journey, Motherhood, Uncategorized

Therapy Journey: Surprise…I’m Depressed

June 9, 2023by The Office Black Girl1 Comment

It is a Friday night, and I am trying to milk the last of the power of my ADHD medication to push me through to type this.

Since my first post about therapy, I have had two sessions. Before my first session, my husband and I had an uncomfortable conversation about his next career move and the impact it will have on my mental health. I immediately informed him that I had started the process of going to therapy, and he sounded relieved, even proud.

I didn’t tell anyone else before my first session. I wanted to see what I was getting myself into first.

My first session was a bit of a hot mess, but that was on me. I found myself word vomiting answers that weren’t part of her questions. But at the same time, I was holding back because I was all too aware that my husband and son were within hearing distance.

To add to the hot mess, my phone was blowing up during the session (I took the video call on my phone), and I had to hang up at one point because of an Instacart drama. After that first session, she sent me a packet about dealing with depression, and it was an eye-opener.

In the two weeks that followed, I realized I have been battling with depression for a while and have downplayed it as something else. On the day of my second session, I woke up and just felt dead inside and realized that it was not uncommon for me to feel that way.

When I got to work that day, I started wondering if I needed to be on antidepressants. But I knew that would be another hurdle because my therapist doesn’t have the ability to write prescriptions and my insurance is already a bit of a headache about dealing with mental health that doesn’t involve the immediate threat of suicide.

During my second session, we discussed the causes of my depression and my spiraling episodes, as well as techniques to help deal with depression.

The biggest thing I took from the second session was the idea of “should.” She made me realize how much of a hold that idea of what I “should” be fuels my spiral. The idea that I should be further in my career, I should be a better mother/wife, I should be doing a lot of things, are expectations that I put on myself that hinder me from moving forward or even finding joy.

I have been working on the idea of letting go of “should” and replacing it with “I am doing the best that I can” or some other forgiving/positive thought. But I won’t lie, it is hard. I was raised with expectations and they are deeply rooted in me. So the idea that I am falling short of them on a daily basis feels like it is a hard thing to just give myself a pass that doesn’t feel deserved.

While I’m still not sure how I feel about therapy so far, I am anxious to continue. Maybe that is what I am overlooking….my way of thinking is what landed me in therapy. Maybe it is time to really give in to thinking a different way and therapy is definitely different.

What does therapy mean to you? Is it a space to vent, be analyzed, be comforted, or something else? Comment below because I would love to know what others think about therapy.

365 Days of Posts, Hair, Office Stories

White Men and Wig Obsessions

May 31, 2023by The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

I don’t think I have ever worked somewhere where my hair was a topic of discussion as much as it has been since working for this company. I somewhat blame myself. I allowed myself to be open enough that, somehow, my honesty about a wig has turned into a frequent question about what is on my head.

My director informed me yesterday that the owner of the company asked about my hair. Apparently, he was unable to tell if my real hair was a wig or not. Keep in mind all of my wigs come from Amazon, and they are definitely the cheaper ones. But what I found even odder about the conversation was that he has never had a problem commenting on my hair before to my face, so why the change? But the time he asked, I was rocking my natural hair.

The director then proceeded to tell me that he asked if the other black woman in the office was wearing a wig. The director said, “Oh yea.”

On another note, I do find it interesting that when she started working here, her hair was natural and out. But about a week in, she has worn a wig with no natural hair to be revealed since. There is no judgment, but given that there are only two black women in this company, I wonder if her choice to conceal her natural hair is a conscious one or just a matter of convenience.

Back to me…

What is crazy to me is that the people who have the most comments about my hair are the white men in the office. The IT guy, who comes in once a week, makes a comment every time he sees me, even going as far as to tell me he prefers my real hair.

While I appreciate working for a company that hasn’t tried to punish me for my hair choices (because, let’s be for real, the biases are still real in the corporate world), I am over the fascination. It has taken me years to reach a point where I can leave my house with my natural hair, not in “ideal” curls but in the various levels of curl and puff with confidence. A confidence that comes after years of Eurocentric hair ideals messing with my psyche.

Even with this unwanted spotlight on my hair, I keep my head high, and I own every hairdo I rock to work. But I don’t like the feeling of my relative openness to talk about my hair is starting to make me feel like the star of some sort of freak show.

Uncategorized

My “Weirdness” About Memorial Day

May 29, 2023by The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

I need to start off with the fact that Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day are not the same. Memorial Day is to remember those who passed away while serving our country. Veteran’s Day is for all who have served.

It is probably not that serious in the grand scheme of things, but for some reason, I find great annoyance when I see people’s posts, especially a business, that seems to lump the two together.

I will also add, my husband served, as well as my father and several other family members. It s probably what makes me more aware of the way people seem to confuse the two days, but I think it would slightly bug me even if I had no connection to the military.

As a business owner and someone who works in marketing, I always feel weird about posting about certain holidays, and Memorial Day is one of them. I am an overthinker, so that doesn’t help my cringe.

I feel some type of way about posting sales for a holiday that is meant to honor the dead, but I am not immune to engaging in a sale or enjoying the day off (though my current job does not believe in taking off for Memorial Day). I try to acknowledge the day for what it is, but as a black business owner operating during an overly sensitive time period, I get wary that a potential customer will look at my business as “too political.”

Even crazier, I get worried that my “patriotic” post will attract extreme right-leaning followers who will then be offended when I make a reference to being a “black woman-owned business.” While I don’t care if my customers’ political views align with mine, I just don’t want it to be an issue when they engage with me and my business.

With all of the crazy that runs through my mind, I do choose to at least post about it. A few years ago, a friend of mine from college was killed while serving. Only months before, he had messaged me that he was finally going to get out of the military. I found out he was killed through Facebook. He had served for as long as I had known him, but to think he was ready to get out and finally start a new chapter in his life…

…it makes it that much more important that I acknowledge Memorial Day for what it is. A remembrance of those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Mental Health Journey, Motherhood

Therapy Journey (Part One)

May 11, 2023by The Office Black Girl3 Comments

Last night, I reached a breaking point.

Google had told me that one of my oldest accounts was maxed out on storage, and I needed to clear space for storage or pay for it. That led me down the rabbit hole of old videos and pictures of my son.

My ovaries ached a little bit, looking at this little person I spent so much time with as a stay-at-home mom. And his little voice just hit me in the heart. But the longer I watched the videos, my mental state started crumbling.

Suddenly I wasn’t seeing a happy little toddler on my phone screen, but a flood of bad memories of things that happened during those years. Years of me feeling like I was failing as a young mother (thoughts I still struggle with now) while I was struggling to figure out my life.

Perspective and social media are amusing because they both can give you the false idea from the outside that everything is perfect for someone else. I look back on old memories and see comments of people reflecting positively on a happy moment in time that I shared. But I was struggling for years.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as if I never had a happy moment. I had plenty of them.

But last night made me realize that despite my growth as a woman, a mother, and a wife, I still have demons that I have only managed to quiet at times with noise. During the quiet, unexpected moments…they definitely rise against me.

Despite all of the change in practices and views on mental health, people often overlook the simple thing of cost and time that comes with taking care of your mental health. Even online therapy costs money, and spending time trying to find the right therapist causes me anxiety at the thought of spending time and money trying to find the right one before I even get help.

I finally looked into my healthcare options and started the process today to book my first session. My insurance offers options, thankfully, but they are a bit limited. I am hoping that this will be the first real step in healing the wounds I merely bandaged for years.

Today, I really hate where my desk is positioned. I have been crying as I type this, and I am exposed to my coworkers and people coming into the office. One delivery guy just made a comment about allergies…my eyes must be red (just checked, they are a little). But it is just a confirmation that I finally need to do something to heal myself because time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Have you gone to therapy? What has been your experience in tackling your mental health issues?

365 Days of Posts, Office Stories, Uncategorized

When the Racism Surprises You…

February 24, 2023by The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

I wrote this on Monday and debated on whether I should post it. Then something reminded me of why I started this blog…

On Friday, I was discussing with a coworker about an upcoming work trip I had to take with my boss. I was explaining how there was really no reason for me to go. But my biggest concern was that I may have to share a room with her.

I work for a company where a good 35 percent (or more) of its employees are related or good family friends. The line of boundaries are definitely blurry on a daily basis. So I was concerned that my boss would think that my boundaries would allow her to think I would be okay sharing a room with her.

I am not.

While I may complain about my boss often, I realize it is more me and my need to complain rather than her…or so I thought.

As I was discussing with my coworker (white, male) that I didn’t want to share a room with someone who was going to ask me about why I did certain things to my hair at night or why I wore a bonnet to bed, he shared a problematic story with me.

There used to be a black male who worked in my department (long before me) and apparently he messed up something. She tells my coworker that his mess-up was “very niggerly of him.”

He claims he told her that she couldn’t say that and she proceeded to say it again.

I can’t even describe my feelings at the time though many thoughts ran through my head:

He was a little too comfortable repeating the word she used.
I was surprised, and I wasn’t
Maybe I need to reevaluate my employment here.

Here is where my lack of surprise comes in, she has said other derogatory things about people. Both times she said them to me.

Now before you look down on me from your high horse, I will admit I didn’t correct her. There are some people who you already know are a lost cause, and investing energy to correct them almost feels like a disservice to yourself. But I will understand if you disagree.

My husband was supportive of the idea of me leaving, but the reality is that I need this job. There are annoyances for sure, but I can’t ignore the fact that despite her MASSIVELY problematic flaws, my boss actually treats me well.

She doesn’t harass me when I am late. On more than one occasion, I couldn’t come to work for various reasons and she told me to just take care of myself and what I needed to do. Hell, she actually values my opinion at work and that is saying something given my past experiences.

But even as I type this, I can’t help but think about why I am sharing this. We live in such a woke time that I could see people judging me for not quitting or exposing her to Black Twitter.

The reality is, I know I am not the only black woman who has had to put up with shit to get to their final goal. My goal is to get me and my family to a better place financially and I need this job to do that. There are also connections that come with this job that I can’t deny either.

So at the end of the day, I have to admit that my vision of a life after this job outweighs the outrage I feel from a water cooler conversation.

However, we will see what the future holds…

365 Days of Posts, Mental Health Journey, Office Stories

Sometimes The Money Isn’t Enough

Featuredby The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

It is almost 10 at night and I am sitting here trying to gather the bottom-of-the-barrel brain cells to complete a freelance job for someone. My contacts are hours past the point of needing to be taken out, and my annoyance is just tapering off.

I started doing freelance marketing work during the start of the pandemic because, like so many others, I found myself unemployed. For years, I felt fortunate to have clients to help build my portfolio and give me a steady line of work without constantly hustling for work.

But I think I have reached the point where I can no longer ignore the burnout, even if it has been screaming in my face for months.

I had a conversation today with a co-worker. We talked about work-life balance and how basically, our mental health falls behind our desire to pay bills. I find myself making that “joke” a lot: my bills don’t give a fuck about my mental health, or me mentally breaking down just to keep my credit from falling to shit.

My husband tells me to quit the freelance stuff. He has even encouraged me to invest more time into The Office Black Girl. But this online world doesn’t pay the bills. While I appreciate his belief in me, fear runs deep in my veins.

I hate to admit that I have had the chance to pursue my side hustles and projects as something full-time, but I messed up. I wasted my opportunities and, even worse, a lot of money. So I find myself here on a Thursday night, trying to find a single thread of thought to latch onto and create this content for this client before I go to bed.

Do I want to? No. Do I secretly want the client to tell me that they have found a cheaper option and “fire” me? Maybe.

Then I remember I have a credit card payment due that has yet another late fee attached to it. And I remind myself that I must keep doing the work, despite everything else overflowing on my plate.

But maybe one day I will just let it go and focus on what I find joy in…..maybe.

365 Days of Posts, Office Stories

Working & Bleeding

Featuredby The Office Black GirlLeave a Comment

Years ago, I was one of the “lucky” women with “easy” periods. With the wonderful help of birth control, I would have a period for about a day and didn’t have any crazy side effects. Well, I did get abnormally horny. That would usually be a T.M.I. portion of the story, but we are talking about periods.

But in recent years, I swear Karma is getting her lick back or something because dealing with my period is now a whole ordeal.

I have now started getting migraines that make me question my existence, followed by my whole body deciding to jump on the dumpster fire train. But what adds to the misery is having to go to work while my body betrays me. I have been looking at the same billboard design for the last hour, hoping no one notices that I have barely tapped on my keyboard.

If I didn’t know better, I would think I was sick.

Or maybe I am sick. While my bad mood may be the only contagious symptom, the rest should warrant a sick day without penalty. To be fair, I could probably ask my director to go home without any issue. But this is a reoccurring problem; unfortunately, our society is not built to give a shit about accommodating the complications of women’s menstrual cycles and work demands.

It is as if the natural occurrences of being a woman become obstacles to being a well-balanced, career woman. In 2023, we should stop treating men’s lives as the standard for workplace expectations. Because how can you win at work when only half the workforce can experience the burden of mother nature, and many of them don’t bother to understand?